Skip to main content

2014





بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيم


Assalamualaikum w.b.t .

Several days left before the year change its number. Several days left before I lose everything which is very meaningful to me. These days, I am indeed feeling upset and miserable. I'm not sure if I am strong enough to face the following year. Because somehow I wish I can stay in this year forever.


What's so special about 2014 ? What's so good about it ? Some of you might have experienced many infliction throughout this year, and some might have achieved many achievements. Congratulation for those who made it and stay strong for those who barely goes on. But for me, I went through with both situations. Goods and bads. Year 2014 is full of tense and surprise. And I have to say, proudly, that this is the best year I've ever been living in from 1st January until right now. I learnt mostly about everything in life in this year and everything is about to be gone. What's left for me is only memories and feelings.

Year 2014 is where everything got started. It was the moment when I started 'emigrated' myself or I can say 'hijrah' from my past to a better lifestyle, to a new person, a new me. I started doing things I never did before, started joining islamic programs, and I also met new friends. I created ukhuwwah lillahitaala with them. They are great. They're kind and nice people. They are very good to me. They helped me a lot and gave me strength. I learnt many things through them.

Ever since I'm changing, I've been humiliated by certain people for not being good enough and perfect as how they expected me to be. I cried a lot in my room with nobody seeing it and felt my heart been stabbed many times from front and behind. I was cursed right in front of my face by saying my weakness, bad things I used to do and all the hurtful words. I've never experience this kind of situation before and I believe nobody understand how painful it was. To be judged. All you can do is to listen to my story, but you can't exactly feel how I personally feel. Instead of giving friendly advices to me, people choosed to mock straight away and hope I would change even better and learn my mistakes from bad words they said to me.

What do people actually want 'muslimah girls' to be ? We all can change, but don't expect us to be perfect. We're humans, not robots. There are times when we feel like crying, getting angry, feeling annoyed, doing bad stuffs and many more. IF ONLY our imaan always stays on top, that would be great. We would be as 'perfect' as how you people want us to be.

But well. With all the criticism people gave me, it moved me towards a better position. That's what make me feel stronger than I could've ever be. It's okay. I'll survive in shaa Allah.


Year 2014 is the year I started wearing niqab. I still don't officially wear it, I am not yet a full-time 'ninja' but it was the moment of beginning. I trained myself and got used to it. I've never imagined in my whole life that I would eventually become a niqabi. Like, wow seriously. What am I thinking tho hahaha. I started wearing it on 14th January while I was celebrating Maulidur Rasul at Shah Alam. I feel secure wearing it. I feel like being protected. It actually doesn't really burden me. I took awhile, thinking if I made a right choice. Will this niqab affect my future or not. But hey, I almost forgot that I have Allah with me. He is the one that controls my life and gives me sustenance. Why would I be scared. I've seen many niqabis who have reached success in their life. They are all fine, and I know I will as well.

I also joined GSS this year. What 'GSS' stands for? Geng Surau Sekolah. I wasn't dare to participate and become one of the member because I know I was not that 'pious' at the beginning and I also afraid since I didn't have any close friends in GSS. But in December 2013 before went back to school, I was invited by someone to join in. I refused to. But oh well, this person was good in pleading so I ended up nodding and agreed to join. To be very honest, GSS improved me a lot. I got to know things I never knew and they taught me so many stuffs. They all are the best. I'm so in love in making friends with them. Most of them are seniors to me but I don't have problem with that. I did not get too close to them at first, but when school was about to end, it was the time I became closest to them and I cried out loud on our last event before the separation. My eyes turned sore. Farewell gave me the worst pain ever. I love them. So much.

Year 2014 is also the year that I fell deeply in love with someone and in the same time attacked by the worst heartbroken ever. Falling in love with a guy is one of the hardest thing that can happen to me because first of all, I am really arrogant with them especially the unknowns and I always treat those who close with me terribly like seriously though. I just can never be nice towards guys. Obviously because I am afraid with them. Can I called it as a phobia? No? Perhaps I can communicate with them well through network but to confront with them is like 'nope, thank you very much.'

I do admit I used to admire guys, or like someone or have crush like most teenagers do. But you know, it's not really 'love'. Technically I attract to them because of their charms and appearance for being handsome and stuff. That kind of feelings don't last. I got to know this one guy for a long time, and I fell hard for him. I swear, I never asked to fall in love. But it just happened. Because I don't just admire him. But I seriously fell deeply in love with him.

I don't know, but I just want to claim myself that I must be the stupidest, most insane person ever because I've been  falling hard for someone, got broken by the same person, and actually fell hard again with the person. I got super hurt, but then took risk by getting hurt again. Wow. I'm just too in love with that person, huh? Could it be just me or someone else probably have been through this also?


Yeah, just me. I know.

I know it's not really matter, to fall in love at this young age. Even me myself against it. Because I'll be meeting 'him' one fine day at the right time like how Allah has arranged everything. To be honest, I don't ask for it. It came by itself. The feelings. Because we all have hearts with feelings and Allah created us with fitrah. One of them is loving someone. But it's our duty to take a good care of it and I don't keep it good enough. Yep, my fault.


I wish these experiences will turn me wiser and more mature.

These are pretty much what happened during year 2014. I gained something and lost something but it's alright because to learn and move forward in life, we have to commit mistakes and of course it has to be by incident. Not on purpose. I'll miss everything I've done through this year and will cherish each moment I created with everyone and everything I loved. May 2015 will be much better for us and be blessed by Allah SWT even more.

Chin up, and turn that frown upward. Everything happens for reasons, and it surely a good reason.


Wassalam, and have an awesome day :)


Comments

Naz Asfan said…
Hi Assalamualaikum! Interesting sangat cerita awak. TBH saya tak tau nak panggil apa, so berawak-saya lh ye? Nak minta kebenaran dri empunya blog, awak punya ayat BI saya admire sgt, simple tpi saya faham. Saya nak pinjam ayat sikit2 eh, kot2 leh guna utk buat karangan BI utk spm tahun 2015 nti. Harap maaf klu rasa menyampah, ini sahaja yg boleh saya buat utk contact awak.
Saya pernah jdi warga 1 Setia di SMKTG, klu perasan lh. ^_^ ..
Assalamualaikum ya ukhti
Hime Lee said…
Waalaikumussalam hai ^^ hehe bole bole saye tak kesah. Amik la mane-2 ayat BI dlm blog ni yg awak suke. Huu maaf la, saye tak prasan awak dlm kls tu T-T Awak masuk sekejap je kan?

Popular posts from this blog

Matrikulasi Banting; New journey

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيم Assalamualaikum w.b.t.  Hai korang! It feels good to be back. Anyone ever miss me? Huhu Aku dah lame tak update blog. Niat tu ade, tapi macam malas gila sebab aku sibuk uruskan kemasukan aku ke Kolej Matrikulasi. Alhamdulillah ^^ So, inilah tujuan aku menulis entry blog pada kali ini. Aku nak cerita pasal matriks! Okay honestly aku rasa awkward gila right now mase aku menaip ni sebab aku rasa inilah entry pertama aku menulis dalam bahasa melayu hahahahaha. Sebab aku nak pastikan orang lain yang membaca entry ni lebih faham bila aku tulis direct dalam malay. Okay tanpa merepek panjang, let's get to it, shall we? Pada 5 Jun 2016, aku telah mendaftarkan diri di Kolej Matrikulasi Selangor (KMS) di Banting. Beberapa hari sebelum mendaftar kan, aku tak tenang langsung duduk rumah. Banyak benda aku fikir. Dari segi pembelajaran, kehidupan aku, itu dan ini. Sebab fyi, ini merupakan kali pertama aku tinggal dekat kolej. Setakat pergi kem

Ang Pao & Ketupat | Happy CNY!

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ Assalamualaikum... I'm back! I MISS MY BLOG OMG T______T *peyuk* It has been forever since the last time I updated my blogspot, kan? Okay aku nak explain secara ringkas apa yang terjadi sebelum ni. Aku stop blogging for awhile sebab lepas aku habis matriks, ada something yang mengganggu aku emotionally so secara tak langsung, mood aku untuk buat benda-2 yang aku suka such as blogging tu fades away. Passion aku untuk menulis and blogging tu mula hilang. Aku selalu je tau log in blogspot aku, aku perati je skrin laptop aku with my blogspot displayed on the screen, blog aku pun perati aku balik. Kalau blog aku ni ibarat manusia, mungkin dalam hati dia terdetik, "Hmmm ko ni nak menulis ke tak sebenarnya. Aku memang kene tengok muka ko jeke." Tapi aku taktau nak taip apa padahal banyak je benda aku boleh cerita! Then I eventually stopped blogging. But s ampai satu tahap, aku rasa sayang pu lak kalau

Do You Mind?

The library is surrounded by dead silence. Everyone sinks their butts into chairs and works on their own stuffs. Some are writing reports, some are searching through Google for information to copy and paste it in their assignments to submit, and a few rest just simply sleep soundly. Meanwhile I rest my chin on my palm as I place my elbow on the desk and slip through each page of the thick reference book. I’m not sure if I’m reading the right book.   I’m not even sure if I’m doing the right thing right now. The lecturer gave me and my classmates a task to work on and one of the condition is that we have to search for it through books in the library. Gadgets are forbidden. Highly forbidden, he said. He wouldn't know if the students ever follow his order or not, but I somehow obey and act exactly to the way he wants it. What a nerd. I'm embarrassed with myself that I am this nerd. God. If my sister knew this, she's surely gonna make fun of me for the rest of her