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Title: Weep And Bleed
written on Saturday, May 13, 2017 @ 2:18 AM ?{ 0 comments }

I feel heavy everytime I breath.
I feel stuck and distracted inside all the time.
Among everything I've gone through while I'm growing up, this one gave the biggest and deepest impact to me.

"I love you"

I heard that enough from other guys, and I never responded.
But without a doubt I accept yours, without a doubt I admit. I love you too.

Up until right now, I'm still surprised. I am so surprised the person who first confessed that he was so into me and in love with me has changed his heart and convert his love for someone else.

Like, how? How that could happened, easily and simply for you?

Little did you know, you caught my heart from the way you treated me nicely. From the way you acted so playfully in front of me. From the way you smiled when you saw me either from real close or from afar. From the way you laughed... oh you gotta know this one.

When I heard you laughing, I was so happy. So happy I lowkey telling myself, "I can't help it, I love this guy too."

I could feel some part inside me vibrating due to the affection and love I currently felt at that moment. A thought came across my mind, "I can't believe I'm in love again. I can't believe i've met someone like you."

You told your friends about me. You told them every single detail about me. You told them how you felt about me and how I made you so happy. Your friends know me from nobody to somebody real quick.
Everytime I exchanged gaze with your friends, they most likely smiled to me because seeing me immediately reminded them to you.

But you...changed. You changed becoming somebody I never know. And I had no idea what was happening at first.

And when I eventually knew you're with someone else, my heart fell right to the ground and scattered to pieces.

You never know I'm in love with you too.
You never realize how I smiled and stared at you meant something very special.
You just never give a damn, and so you found someone else.

Now she made you fell in love even harder.

"Kau satu dalam seribu."
"I choose you since asimilasi."
"You're my type. The one I'm looking for."
"Dia lah bidadari yang aku paling suka."

You said that, and then you love someone else.
How is that even possible? Omg.

Some of the quickest ways to make me happier are by reading our old conversation, listening to our phone conversation I've recorded.

That's more than just making me carving a smile from ear-to-ear especially listening to your voice. But now doing those things just make me shedding tears.

He's gone... He's gone to nowhere and he's not coming back. You're not the old you and I don't know who you are anymore.

If I knew this could happen, I should just ignore you like how I ignore every other guys. Awak, I may not know you completely, your true self. But I know and you never admit that you're keeping that ego inside you. You don't feel guilty and you barely care how hurt I am. But just in case if you read this by accident, I am truly hurt. I won't lie and I won't hide that you made me feel this bad.

When I like someone, the world will know.
I am never ashamed of whom I'm in love with and I would let everybody know that.

"Mine. He's mine." I told that to everyone whereas you're secretly no longer mine anymore.

I was about to let the world know how you've made me the happiest person when I'm in love with you, but turned out the world know you're the guy who hurt me and I don't know how long it takes to heal myself.

I can't feel anything but pain, and it hurts as hell.

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